Recently I was in a group discussion triggered by a book called Start with Why, by Simon Sinek. Each of us offered responses to the question of why we do the work we do. With each response, we peeled away another layer of the onion, like a small child responds to every answer you give him or her with another “But why?” Here’s my initial response to why:
I have shifted my practice from litigation to non-adversarial dispute resolution because I believe this approach is more efficient and serves my clients’ needs better. I’ve also changed how I practice law internally because I believe in non-adversarial dispute resolution and it is more aligned with who I am.
I kept peeling away layers of whys. Why is that important to me? What purpose does this serve? Eventually, the why inquiry took me to something more spiritual and a core element in my belief system. Whether one is a Christian, a Muslim or a Jew, and with all due respect to those who are agnostics or atheists, one core belief I think we share is that every one of us is sacred. There is some divinity within each of us, whether we recognize and acknowledge it or not. Buddhists often greet people with the expression “Namaste”, an affirmation that “I honor or recognize the divinity within you.” While we may believe this, our actions don’t often reflect that belief.
I’ve stayed focused on this “why” lately, coupled with the notion that each of us is sacred. How does this element of sacredness plays itself in our lives? Would we present ourselves to others and take care of ourselves differently if we were led by the thought that we are sacred? How would that core value impact how we interact with and treat others? How does this factor into my chosen field of dispute resolution? How might we negotiate differently if we built our efforts on an underlying premise that each of us is sacred? We have evolved from trials by fire or water to decision-making by battle, to trials by a judge or jury of our peers. These are more civilized, but still are adversarial processes.
Former U.S. Supreme Court Chief Justice Warren Burger said in 1984 that “trials by the adversary contest must in time go the way of the ancient trial by battle and blood.” He continued, noting that the adversarial system “is too costly, too painful, too destructive, and too inefficient for a truly civilized people.”
To hold ourselves up as sacred goes even beyond being civilized. When we respond or act a certain way toward another, we are acting that same way toward the source of our divinity. If I am sacred, then in all I do, I should try to reflect that sacredness and offer only my very best. If those I interact with are sacred, then I should see them and act toward them in that same light. While I might disagree with you, I do so respectfully, and working together, we can seek out solutions through processes that do not ignore our respective needs or our dignity.
People who practice Collaborative Law talk about the impact of the “paradigm shift” that occurs when we change our approach from litigation to Collaborative Law. Imagine the impact that comes from making the internal paradigm shift of treating ourselves and all others as if we are each sacred. This shift requires that we always come with our very best effort, that we are guided by the values of respect, honesty and trust, that our actions and words reflect those values, and we seek out the very best resolution possible, not a compromise that requires everyone to give something up, and certainly not a win-lose scenario. If each of us is sacred, then our efforts can and need to reflect that level of consciousness. George Pör, an international leader who created the “World Cafes” concept, was a keynote speaker at a law conference a couple of years ago. One of his comments was a jarring and inspiring thought: “Each of us is the successful result of 30 billion years of evolution: Act like it!”
What if we live and work as if we are sacred and treated every person and everything in our world as being sacred? For a new year’s resolution, let’s try it for as long as we can, in our families, communities and our professional lives. And if we fail at it, let us get up and try again, and again, and again, until we have internalized it. I don’t think I am alone in this belief in the sacredness that resides and breathes within us. Let me ask you: “Living sacred: Are you in or are you out?
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